Ode to Admire

28 04 2012

Our meeting was unexpected.  He was getting over a loss I was going through a loss.  We hit it off instantly.  He had what I needed and I was all he needed. 

We grew to love each other with a passion so indescribable that it was only articulated by us not just through verbalisation or even physical touch.  It was as if we had our own secret communication, a dance with the eyes, a wisp of breathe on the cheek, an invisible knowing smile that appreciated the well being of each other.

 I couldn’t believe that it was humanly possible to love so much. No one knew me as well as he did.  No one knew all my secrets like he did.  No one but God knew the meaning of his existence to me. No one could ever hurt me the way he did because no one would ever possibly love me like that again.

We shared a special song. It was initiated and stamped such on some hot summer day at The Lake.  I remember that special day very well, the area was completely green including the lake with its hyacinth.  We climbed to the middle of our favourite hill where we would sit and undress each other with questions.  It was normal, we were always getting to know each other.  We talked till it got dark.  We talked till all self consciousness was lost.  We talked till it was as if we were one till we got up and walked down from the middle of the hill hand in hand but infused as one.  

No one would ever have so much information on me like that again. He knew me like the back of his hand and I could read him like a book blindfolded.

We had a special dance.  I remember it so well.  R Kelly would be blasting on the music player,  it could be raining, sunny, a night at home alone or a night of perpetual entertainment.  We were in constant entertainment mode.  I would cook up a storm, he would come into the kitchen and talk to me as I stirred in tomatoes as he poured a glass of wine for me and a mug of beer for himself.  The kitchen would become a mini party in itself and as usual the company would arrive before everything was done because the mini party in the kitchen sent a mood throughout the house that rendered a pause to the preparations.

He appreciated the way I danced and every movement in his body was a dance to me. Our life was a life full of ceremonious dance, dances of a different nature dances of different traditions.

We shared a secret.  A secret only God knew. I remember that secret it ate away at my heart in times of sole reflection.  It bound me closer to him in times of intimate bonding.  It nearly tore me apart during the great separation.

He loved my ability to love him thoroughly secret and all.  I was his soul mate the secret was imprinted in my inner soul.

Our disagreements were legendary.  It could never have been any other way. Two passionate people with a need for each other, completely in passion with each other, selfishly lacking peripheral vision when it came to the goings on around them  heck, we had created the meaning of fun and were able to incorporate our family which constantly surrounded us into that wonderful aura.

We loved each other so much that hurting each other became inevitable.

As time went on, as the investment in each other began to depreciate, things appeared to fall apart but that was because the sum of the equation above equalled two strong willed people who loved each other to the point that the divide that occurred and separated us was so powerful that the smell the blood was pungently strong and clearly evident in the air.

We were so happy together that the change in the status quo of the state of affairs in both our lives took a turn that would equate 180 degrees, a turn that spiralled us both of into an illusion of reality but a definite state of denial.

In all this regardless of what anyone leads you to believe, we loved each other with so much energy and passion that it remains in my heart because God has chosen to better place it there. 

His name was Eddie, known to me as Edwimbi amongst other loving names I gave him depending on the situation at the time. He is Admire.  He is better known as the love of my life.   He is in my heart because he no longer walks this earth but his spirit continues to tug at my heart because it is better placed there.

My advice to women who are married to men of their youth and who are their youth, cherish that man of your youth because it is God who has given him to you.  In this time of all out war against marriage, fight for that man of your youth, never let the devil win possession of him. Humble yourself to that man of your youth he should feel that he is the head of the house, then jezebel can never stick her thick claws into his skin rendering him hapless, sucking his life slowly out of him.

For me, I will never again feel the love he had for me.  I could feel it even as I finally fought for him, even as I finally woke up to the challenge.  I don’t think the timing was wrong I could feel it even though I finally fought for him at his death.

Our meeting was unexpected, he had what I needed, I was all he needed.  We were happy together, we loved each other with a passion that was flammable that hurting each other was inevitable.  He made me feel beautiful and that was because he told me so everyday and he was beautiful because God created him that way.  The chapter has closed to the glory of God the Father and Lord knows I loved that man. 

Até logo Edwimbi, you are etched in my heart and yes you were the man of my youth, that’s a good  thing , God gave you to me and yes you were a major chapter in my life and I enjoyed it fully!




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