Comforting Love Yielding Divine Eternity

8 05 2012

He was brought into my life for a reason.  How I met him did not make logical sense.

 He arrived when the darkness was so thick, visibility zero.  My sense of direction had ceased to exist, my sense of purpose dwindling fast. I simply lacked peripheral vision, the mountains were too many, the will to move them nonexistent.  To say I was lost is an understatement, I was so deep in mire, and I had lost the way.  The reflection in the mirror and the never ending internal turmoil simply did not equate.

When he arrived I had minus zero self- esteem, very little self -confidence to show for myself and floated around in a shell that was blessed to be fit and active, all by the grace of God. To say I was a mess, is a perpetual understatement.  I hated myself and covered it all up with manicures, pedicures, haute couture, coiffed weaves, intensive facials and huge sunglasses that covered the sadness of my eyes.  What the world didn’t know is that I did not cry in my room, I cried in the car everywhere I went. I was keeping up appearances, I felt as translucent as Saran wrap.

Friday night was, me, night.  I was partying hard by myself.  Managing my music like a professional disc jockey. Categorizing my musical options from fast paced deep lyrics with major hit at home reality to old school, good at hitting you deep in the pit of the stomach to heart wrenching, soul stirring let me give you peace, you are not in the right state of mind, gospel.  Then I would plead on my knees, fall into a deep sleep and wake up to the same eerie dark, mire filled existence.  I wanted it to end.

He began slowly without judgment, he worked like a builder.  He strengthened my core, developed my inner strength, moulded my soul, and worked God into every situational circumstance I was in.  God worked through him to move me from the dead man walking syndrome to the woman of impact radiating life.

Through him God changed my perspective on life, reduced the negativities, showed me different perspectives, refused to not believe in me and stripped me down to a nakedness I only showed to myself.  He exhausted me until I made positive choices, I made a decision that I was not made for the darkness and it was not meant for me.

I fell in love with this man.  A love so deep that was beyond any understanding.  The love I felt for this man was not just of the regular physical, I need to see him everyday type of love.  I felt his love and had love even when I was distances away. 

When it was time for him to leave, to move on he had finished his work here and God moved him on to continue possibly with another lost soul, I threw a down right fit.  I couldn’t see how I would live without him.  I pulled out my musical options only this time I tuned the old school lyrics of Luther, Marvin, Stevie, SWV, Aretha and Aaliyah, then I looked up to the stars in the night floating one by one into the clouds only to disappear and I realized he had finished toiling for God on my behalf because I was exactly where God wanted me to be, for now.  I finally knew truly and confirmed I belonged to Jesus and my trust should be on Him and not man. I now look in the mirror and the reflection equates my inner soul.

 Solong for now to my friend.   Just for you to know, he is my comforting love yielding divine eternity and he works for God.

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One response

14 05 2012
Wazzy

Sibo!! This is deep and I could actually feel you as you wrote this note.. impressive.. and yes indeed, God will be the only one that will give you peace that surpasses all understanding..and not man…in as much as they are our friends, they will leave at some point and we still have to move on with life… you are blessed my sister and I soo enjoy your writings! Keep at it! 🙂

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