Thursday, 22 December 2016

25 12 2016

Today was a hard day.   I allowed fear, anxiety, stress and depression to overtake me. I cried and prayed.  I prayed and cried. I came face to face with the multiplication question of 2 again and came close to a 180. I flipped channels on the TV, moving in desperation between crime channels, inspirational channels, reality channels, religious channels, and love channels, seeking one thing, that which would provide me with solutions for instant deliverance and direction. Had I had internet I fear I would have engineered the Google engine all day long in between the heartwrenching tears.  Today I begged God, I rebuked demons, I declared outcome, I cultivated doubt, I rained tears, I dissolved into self pity, perused through my contact list seeking wisdom and then exhausted, fell silent and light came in the form of my son who asked me one thing, “Don’t you think you are looking for solutions in a linear fashion? Don’t you think that is limiting your mind?”  That is when I acknowledged the voice that speaks to me every time I submit a CV for a job that does not fit with the programme.  One thing I learned today, I am like a vacillating jelly fish and I need to find my own original. Tomorrow will be a better day!

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