Resolutions turned into Prayers

31 12 2016

In photography resolution refers to the number of pixels in an image. Sometimes resolution is identified by the number of pixels in the image as well as the width and height of the image. The higher the pixels the better the resolution you gets in pictures taken. Welcome to the gate of 2017. Back in the day, that is before I found my religion, I used to make New Year resolutions. Many of them did not last into the next month but I have to admit I have a couple that still make up part of my personal mantra to this day. One of them, the resolve to make sure baby fat does not remain my portion. That one made in 1989 after a year of living with the flab and two other babies later this has never needed to be my focus. The principle that worked in this fight the baby fat resolution is that I first saturated my brain with images of what I used to look like before the baby, pictures of what I wanted to realistically look like, inclusive of impressive muscle tone, a clear weekly plan of what I would do to get there, and a clear day to day visual of the one pair of denim jeans I loved too much to not fit back into.  At first my weekly plan did not address the reduction or the exclusion of those savory food items I had re-developed a taste for.  I say re-developed because I always had the taste for these food demons but I was always able to limit the intake of the same, pre-positive pregnancy test affirmation but that very small voice re-sounded in my mind as if it was using an amplifier assuring me that the daily double hamburgers with thick beef and cheese,  the daily huge slice of chocolate cake ingenuously hidden in the fridge so no one else would be tempted to take a piece, and my daily coca cola litre would in no way increase any body mass that I would not be able to take off soon after birth.  My bad! Besides an old fashioned scheming Auntie pointed out that she had evidence that coca cola would lighten my baby’s skin, a good thing, right, in a color sensitive culture? And that voice in my mind assured me every time I sunk my teeth into the hamburger and the cavity creating chocolate cake that as this cake was merely a piece of cake, it would be a piece of cake getting rid of post baby fat. Like magic it would just drop off while I continued, baby in hand, lounging on the sofa watching my favorite soap opera and taking the endless naps along with the newborn baby, after all this baby did not sleep at night so I had to sleep with her during the day, at least for the 3 months I was on maternity leave.  Imagine the shock I had when I left the hospital and get home and first of all, my stomach is still the same size as it was the day I went into labor and my favorite jean cannot proceed above my hamstring because my thighs are now triple the size. Imagine my horror when person after person relentlessly commented on my body size even pointing out personal body parts and their double expansion. Imagine your Jane Fonda, living room exercising mom who has never said I was too skinny, by the way, asks a pertinent question, “Do you like yourself that way.”  Well my mom and I have always had a tumultuous relationship, so my reply was to huff and puff and storm off to the nearest mirror to seriously ponder the question I have been asking myself for months.   To make a very long story short this began the formation of the one resolution that I actually kept and that was to return to a size 10 from a size 14 and threatening 16. When I found my religion, I started turning resolutions into prayers but I realized that just like the hamburger and chocolate cake there were some things I would not give up, those petty sins that you normally think are hidden from God because you are hiding them from yourself, forgetting that He sees and knows it all and after all deep down inside you are tormented regularly by these petty sins. What I forgot or chose to ignore was that those petty sins were what that very small voice with the amplifier magnified to turn a molehill into a mountain thereby turning into full throttle condemnation and VOILA the prayer is completely forgotten an another year another lost dream. Then I figured it out, it was those petty sins, those small compensations that were keeping me from fulfilling my resolutions/ receiving the answers to my prayers. For example, if I want to go from size 14 near 16 to size 10 and I say ok from Monday to Friday I will not have a hamburger and a piece of chocolate cake but Saturday I will allow myself that bit of heaven and possibly Sunday because after all I will run it off on Monday, note, usually the portion is large enough to equate for the Monday to Friday loss. The same things goes for wine!  J  Therefore the difference this year is that my resolution will be prayers that include big objectives because my God is able and through Him I can do all things and the resolution will be very clear, sharp and pleasing to the eye. May your 2017 be prosperous and God inspired.IMG_7282.JPG

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